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Jokes Thread
IRISH CHRISTENING
Patrick's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins … a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth, and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot …
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?
'Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought …'I really like Denise '
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew '
Patrick's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins … a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth, and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot …
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?
'Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought …'I really like Denise '
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew '
Views: 66
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on -
Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating.
The usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up and she's going out with the girls a lot.
I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat, when she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on… It was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed… a "hairline crack" in the outboard mounting bracket…
Is that something I can weld myself or do I need to replace it?
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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Blonde goes into Eagle Boys. "I'd like a pizza to take away, please," she says.
"Certainly mate," the guy says at the counter. He goes away and comes back with a pizza.
"Um . . would you like it cut into six pieces or twelve pieces?" he says.
"Oh," the blonde replies. "Six pieces, definitely, I could never eat twelve."
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.
The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know this face, but I can't put a name to it."
The second picks it up & says, "You daft buggar it's me!"
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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A teen-aged boy decided to sneak out of the house one night and go to a strip club. The mother of the boy found out about it and decided to confront her son when he arrived back home.
Sure enough, when the boy arrived back home, his mom was waiting for him, in a pretty foul mood.The mother starts berating her son for his naughtiness. After a while, the irate mother asks her son: "Well, did you see anything that you weren't supposed to see?"
"Yep!" says the son, "I saw dad there."
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?" The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out."
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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Husband lay dying. The Wife was by his bedside. He said in a tired voice, -"There's something I must confess."-"Shhh", said the wife. "There's nothing to confess. Everything's all right."-"No" the husband replied "I must die in peace. I had sex with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your best friends mom!"-"I know," she whispered "That's why I poisoned you, you bastard, now close your eyes…
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Permalink Reply by John Wallace on
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Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .""Bugger that" says Mick"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
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